


(Re)Making Memories

by cecilantro



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotions, Friendship, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 08:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilantro/pseuds/cecilantro
Summary: “You remind me of her sometimes, you know,” Yasha says quietly, not looking at Jester as she does so. “Zuela, I mean.”“Oh.” Jester can’t think of a reply.“It’s just, you know- the way you act, sometimes. The things you say. You’re so- you see everything so… well. Like everything will be okay.”





	(Re)Making Memories

**Author's Note:**

> you can pry "zuela and jester had similarities" from my cold. Fucking. dead. Hands.

“You remind me of her sometimes, you know,” Yasha says quietly, not looking at Jester as she does so. “Zuela, I mean.”

“Oh.” Jester can’t think of a reply.

 

The rain is soft on the windows and roof of their new house here, and both Jester and Yasha find themselves on the roof. The storm is rolling, flashes of lightning across the deep purple of the clouds, the rain icy on their skin. It doesn’t bother Jester, she’s resistant to the cold. It doesn’t bother Yasha; she’s used to it, for one. And, to some degree… she feels like she deserves this little bite behind her skin. Every raindrop feels like a tiny knife, and she should know, she’s felt enough of them.

  
“It’s just, you know- the way you act, sometimes. The things you say. You’re so- you see everything so… well. Like everything will be okay.”

“It will,” Jester interjects softly, and Yasha lets a breath lose, shaking her head,

“It’s a little scary. How similar you can be.”

“I don’t want to upset you.” Jester says quietly, and Yasha shakes her head,

“It’s- I think it’s nice. That’s something I miss. Something I think I need. I am always so afraid, Zuela made me braver. I feel braver knowing you’re here.”

  
Jester beams, knocks her shoulder to Yasha’s.

  
“Thank you! And, you know, we can help you find her!”

  
Yasha sighs,

  
“I… don’t think we will find her. But I would like to.”

“Well, if- if she is… you know… we’ll help you find her grave. So- so at least you can… say goodbye. And move on.”   


  
There is a brief pause, as these words trickle through Yasha’s mind.

  
“I don’t want to move on.” She says, before her tongue can trick her mind into thinking too hard about it, “I- I don’t- I don’t know.”

“You’ve got to move on somehow.” Jester shrugs, “If you get caught up in the past, you’ll never get better. You’ve got to make her proud, right?”

“Jester…”

“If she’s alive, we’ll find her, Yasha.” Jester looks up to meet her eyes, promising in her gaze, “And if she isn’t, we’ll help you. You can say goodbye, and you can use it to- to feel better. Maybe even fall in love again!”

  
A flash of pain crosses Yasha’s eyes, but she feels Jester’s words settle and sink into her skin like the cold permeating her bones. Just as she looked at Zuela once and knew she was honest, she sees the truth behind Jester’s words.

  
“I don’t know if I want to fall in love again.” She turns away a little, watching the lightning streak the sky, “But- moving on is- is important. I think I need to, if I want…” She gestures at the space over her shoulders where her wings would be in a full-blown rage.  
Jester snuggles up against her arm in comfort, and Yasha shifts her arm around her shoulders. Jester is freezing, moreso than she usually is, and Yasha feels a pang of guilt.

  
“You can go inside, if you want,” She tells Jester, and feels the little blue tiefling shake her head, wet hair sticking to Yasha’s skin.

“No, I’m okay. I’ll stay with you. Unless- do you want me to go? I’ll go if you want me to go.”

“No, no.” Yasha assures, and feels another pang of guilt that she’s keeping Jester here. But Jester wants to be here.

  
Another thing that reminds her, so much, of Zuela. That stubborn determination to stay by Yasha’s side, even when she’s being ridiculous.   
Admittedly, Yasha didn’t sit out in the rain nearly as much when Zuela was alive.

Jester falls asleep, eventually. Yasha curls her cloak around them both, and stays awake until she cannot stay awake any longer.

 

 

When the two of them wake, it is to morning. Dark, but morning, as it always is here. Jester is curled properly into Yasha, arms loose around her waist, and it’s something Yasha has missed. Jester reminds her of her wife so much, and all she wants to do now is to see Jester as happy as she wants Yasha to be.

Jester wakes first. Her stirring shakes Yasha awake, and Jester sits up yawning, stretching.

  
“Morning,” she says, sleepy but cheery all at once, “Are you okay, Yasha?”

“Hm? Yes, I’m okay. Thank you, Jester.”

“Huh?” Jester’s head cocks, “What for?”

“For- everything, I suppose. For the- the field. For coming out here with me. For- believing that everything will be alright.”

“It will, Yasha.” Jester pats her arm, “We’ll sort everything out.”

  
Yasha ducks in and rests her forehead to Jester’s for a moment, eyes closed, a breath between them, and when she sits up, Jester’s eyes are glittering with tears.

  
“Molly used to do that.” She says, and her voice is husky. Yasha smiles, sadly,

“It calmed him down.” She agrees, “It calmed us both down.”

  
Jester breathes, slowly, nods. Sniffs.

  
“We should go, I think Caduceus is making breakfast.” 

  
Yasha sniffs, too, the smell of slowly cooking vegetables wafting up around them.

  
“Yeah,” she says, and edges back toward the window, hand out to Jester to help her down, “Let’s go.”


End file.
